Looking at the piles of dirty laundry

We all have them right? Troubles and woes, things in our life that are less than polished and less than perfect? But that is seldom what we put out there for the world to see. That's something I have to remember when I'm  reading other peoples blogs, thtey are not the perfect representation of themself that they post. They have piles of dirty laundry SOMEWHERE in that perfectly organized house with the cute home made ribbon curtain ties.

I try to be pretty honest here, and have come out with SOME of my own dirty laundry. The fact That I struggle with depression, for instance, often leaves me less than organized and drained from an internal battle you couldn't begin to fathom (unless you are a depressive yourself).

So what is some of my "dirty laundry" issues? Let's see....

 I am the MOST unorganized person. Call it being a creative. Call it ADD (very likely). Don't call it lazy. I think of myself as ANYTHING BUT lazy. I'm constantly in motion...in my head. I have a million things I want to do, but don't. Mostly because I'm overwhelmed with the ideas and then can't start (perfectionism?) This leads to a heap of unstarted projects, none of them sorted or put away into any manner that makes sense.

Trickle the organization down and as you can imagine, my finances are a mess. I do okay. I make good money, right? But it's the odds and ends that don't get tied up in a timely manner. They end up making me sink or swim in a paycheck to paycheck manner. Does anybody else struggle with this?

I'm passive agressive. Yes...I'll admit it. No, I don't WANT to be but it's the way it comes out. I'm to non-confrontational to be fully agressive, but I still want to try to enact a change in people I'm dealing with so it comes out passively. It's frustrating to me because often I don't realize I'm doing it until well later. I try to work on this, but it means I have to be aware of doing it at the time and stop it then.

I am not always a good friend. This is hard to admit, right? But it's true. Sometimes, part of being sick, or working so hard on your illness means that you dont' see what is going on with the people around you, you are to focused on yourself and what is going on inside. This is a horribly selfish thing to do, but it's something I'm willing to be that a LOT of us who are struggling with issues like trauma, depression and physical illness are guilty of. I'm extremely greatful for my friends, those who have been with me through all kinds of hardships, and to my family who also falls under this category of being put on the "back burner" to my own needs. Thank you for sticking by me and know...please know..that I love you!

So, that's some of my dirty laundry. Yes, I hung it out for the world to see, all in the name of catharcism and being REAL with you, so that you don't perceive me as one of those perfect bloggers without a single scratch. I'm not perfect. I'm just trying to get by and to do it in a way that is less harmful to myself, my family and others around me.